my life is still boring as usual. but last night I had a very, interesting dream...
this is what I still remember(the interesting part): I was in someone's house(probably a friend, but I can't remember who) and it was a sleepover of some sort. We were playing some kind of game, I'm not sure if its truth or dare, but I think its my turn or something. then I chose dare, and they told me that I was to go inside a closet or something and someone will come in and we should stay there for the rest of the game. I don't want to ruin the fun so I just did it. I went inside a closet and waited for the person who will come in. But I am the type of person who fall asleep(INCEPTION) when bored. I fell asleep(INCEPTION) for awhile, but someone woke me up. It was her,(lets call her "?")looking at me with her brown, oriental eyes. I was fucking surprised, I mean, the fuck bro? I wouldn't even go to a place if I know she will be there, and I know(kinda) that I was sure she wasn't supposed to be there. She told me that they all passed out and went to sleep already. they didn't bother to wake me up,(INCEPTION) so she asked me to go to sleep in another place, not the closet. she lead me to the room where the other guys were sleeping(INCEPTION), but I found out that there were no more vacant mats and makeshift beddings left, and the only vacant one is the one beside hers. so I have no choice but to go there. and as I was falling asleep again(INCEPTION), she asked me if I was still awake. I answered "yeah. why?" and she was like "can we talk?" and I was like "yeah sure. what's up?" and she was like "are you still mad at me?" and I was like "months after graduation, yes. I don't even like to hear your name. but these past few days, it kinda faded." she was like "why?" i was like "i dunno. my hatred just started to fade away. I realized that whatever I do to make myself forget, it will never be gone. because its done(it rhymes!). in the past there's this sadness and pain that I feel inside here(points at chest: heart area); it feels heavy and i hate it. even though the hatred is gone, the heavy feeling and slight sadness and pain is still there."
then she was like "I'm sorry." I was like "I saw you the other night at the terminal. I was supposed to go inside the jeepney but I saw you, so I went away." then she was like "why?" then I was like "well, when I saw you, the pain I feel started to get worse, the heavy feeling became intense, and I panicked. I was just not ready yet to talk to you then." then she was like "I saw you too. I saw you walk away." then I was like "I'm sorry. I just don't have the courage to talk to you back then yet." then she was like "Its my fault you're like that now. I'm really sorry." then I was like "Its okay. We both know that it was both our fault why it happened. I'm sorry too for everything." then she started to move towards me; she was going to give me a hug. I was like in my head: " WTF! NO!" I just sat there frozen then the world kinda slowed down. then, fhjghkafgaknhcgahnfkadsfakzfer.................................................................................................................................................................
I woke up. The dream was over. The other stuff started to fade away in my mind. These are all I can remember. The heavy feeling, for a moment, started to fade. But when I woke up, realizing it was just a dream, it came back. I kinda know now what I need. I need to talk to her. I need to go back and fix myself, not leave it behind. I need.... a closure.
